Monthly Archives: September 2014

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse Like a Boss

zombies

They say it will never happen. But ‘they’ also said men would never walk on the moon. It’s better to have something and not need it, than to need something and not have it. With that in mind, here’s how to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Know your enemy

There are, in fact, two kinds of zombies. Fast ones like in World War Z, and slow, shambling ones as seen in Walking Dead. Zombie aficionados highlight clear differences between the two groups. Fast zombies are people who have been radically altered by a virus or suchlike but retain their cognitive ability, sometimes even assuming heightened speed or strength. Slow zombies are essentially reanimated, rotting corpses, devoid of emotion and intellect. In both cases they’ll want to eat you. Don’t let them.

Act Fast

If and when a zombie apocalypse strikes, at first it will be sheer chaos. Panic will sweep the streets, and there will be blood and chunks of flesh everywhere. Most people will be caught by surprise. Who expects to be walking down the high street one night, minding their own business, only to be confronted with a crazed, flesh-hungry zombie coming at you like Louis Suarez at 1-0 down? Be different. Be ready.

Bug out

If at all possible, get out of the city as quickly as possible and go live in the woods where there is natural shelter, plenty of food sources, less people and less zombies. Have a place in mind, and a means to get there. In the trade, this is known as ‘bugging out.’ The roads will probably be blocked and walking long distances will be too risky, so have a motorcycle or at least a pushbike on stand-bye at all times. Do not engage the zombies unless you are acting in self defence. Stealth is the name of this game.

Your Arsenal

You’ll need a selection of weapons, just in case. Believe it or not, guns are probably not a good idea. They are heavy, loud, and mostly illegal in this country, which may lead to problems when you are stockpiling. Instead, go for a heavy bludgeoning instrument and a selection of sharp knives and swords. Slingshots or catapults are good, and can be used for hunting later. Hatchets, cleavers and frying pans are other things that have practical applications. When you think about it, anything can be used as a weapon. In Shaun of the Dead, Simon Pegg and his dippy mate used their vinyl collection to fight off the zombie hordes. It worked, too. For a bit.

The bag

Don’t waste time scrambling around for things you think you might need. You’re not going on holiday. Instead, have all the essentials already packed into a handy rucksack and keep it near the door. This is known as a PERK (Personal Emergency Relocation Kit), and should contain some standard camping equipment, enough food and water to last three days, extra clothing, a first aid kit, waterproof matches, Swiss Army Knife, wind-up radio, rope or paracord, maps of the area, fishing kit, compass, survival manual, and a torch. Alternatively, throw in some of those glowsticks left over from that festival you went to.

Survive

The ultimate aim is to leave civilization behind and become self-sufficient. Make a camp in the woods near a water source, erect a shelter, and place booby traps around the perimeter. If you can be bothered, dig a 4-foot deep trench for the zombies to fall into. At the very least, that will keep you fit and kill some time. You need to find some sustainable food sources or you’ll die of starvation, which is probably even worse than being eaten by zombies. So set some snares, some fishing lines, try to shoot birds with your catapult, and keep an eye open for edible berries, mushrooms and the like. Keep and eye open for those zombies, too. Especially if they are fast ones.

An edited version of this article appears in the October 2014 issue of Forever Sports magazine. In shops now.

http://www.foreversports.com/


Author Interview: C.M. Saunders

Very happy to do an interview with Books of Blood this week. Thanks for having me!


Out of Time by C.M. Saunders

Joe Dawson is a struggling 41-year old writer battling a serious case of writer’s block. When he travels to Wales in a last-ditch attempt to reignite his flagging career, he finds himself staying at a mysterious seaside hotel, where nothing is quite what it seems.

As the secrets of his past finally catch up with him, Joe is thrust into a life or death situation where his every action could have terrible consequences. This is one problem he has to solve before he runs OUT OF TIME.

Out of Time cover

Out of Time cover

(Click on the image for more info)

“Considering how much I enjoyed this novella and Saunders’ excellent “The Elementals and I” that appeared in Grey Matter Press’ Dark Visions Vol. 2, it is evident that C.M. Saunders is an exceptional writer capable of crafting engaging horror tales that rely on atmosphere over traditional scares.”

– The Horror Bookshelf

Available on ebook and paperback.

Length: 91 pages

Price: £1.99 and £4.99

Artwork by Jeffrey Kosh


Film Review – Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (Unrated Version) (2014)

Anyone bored of the Paranormal Activity franchise yet? Nah, me neither. The original film still stands as one of the best examples in the ‘found footage’ genre ever made, and though the sequels have been getting progressively weaker, there’s life in the old dog yet. Box office receipts are rarely a sure-fire indication of quality. But whilst being made on a budget of around $5 million, this fifth instalment of the series written and directed by Christopher B. Landon, went on to rake in over $90m earlier this year, proving there is still a massive market for this oft-maligned brand of film-making. People love good scares, and ever since The Blair Witch Project, this method has proved the most effective method at delivering them.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

Seen through the lens of a camera main protagonist Jesse bought in a pawn shop, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones, opens at a high school graduation party. Jesse lives with his father and grandmother in an apartment complex above a woman everyone thinks is a witch. One night, the woman is murdered, and Jesse and his friend break into her apartment to find out ‘what it looks like.’ Yes, I know. But without the stupid people, we wouldn’t have horror films, so lets forgive them for now. Inside the apartment they find some witchcraft-related paraphernalia, books of spells, and some VHS tapes, one of which apparently documents the childhood of Katie and Kristi from Paranormal Activity 3, which was a nice touch and made for a little consistency.

After the ill-advised foray into the murdered woman’s apartment, Jesse finds a strange bite-like mark on his arm and begins to display some pretty impressive superhuman powers, all of which are (of course) documented on camera. After a while, it becomes glaringly obvious that something is up with the poor boy, and as he delves deeper into the mystery he discovers that he (and others like him) are at the centre of it all.

This extended (aka Unrated) cut adds around 16 minutes to the original theatrical version, both available on paramount Home entertainment, but none are essential to the plot. Which is probably why they were cut in the first place. It never quite hits the heights of the first couple of Paranormal Activity films, the plots are becoming increasingly lightweight and unbelievable, but the way the film is delivered and the atmosphere it creates just about makes up for any shortcomings.

The original version of this review is taken from issue 26 of Morpheus Tales magazine:

http://morpheustales.wix.com/morpheustales


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