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Revenge of the Toothfish!

My short story, Revenge of the Toothfish, appears in the anthology Trigger Warning: Body Horror, out now on Madness Heart Press, the place where Southern hospitality meets shredding insanity.

Here’s a peak at the cover:

Body Horror Front Cover

Revenge of the Toothfish is probably the most bizarre title I have ever bestowed on anything in my entire life. The idea for the story came from a documentary I saw a couple of years ago about toothfish, which is an actual species, by the way. Though you probably know them by their other, more consumer-friendly name, sea bass. I started thinking how much it must suck to be a fish, swimming merrily along trying to find some lunch, blissfully unaware that all the while a bunch of humans are trying their level best to bury a metal hook in your gullet, yank you out of your natural habitat, chop you up and sell you. I started thinking how great it would be if one of these persecuted fish could somehow get some payback.

Trigger Warning is an annual collection of stories geared toward making readers uncomfortable, which I hope I achieve with Revenge of the Toothfish. Just the word ‘toothfish’ for some reason makes me feel icky. The story itself is a good old-fashioned body horror tale, with a healthy dose of surrealism and bizarro. It’s probably one of the weirdest things I have written, but also one of the most enjoyable. I had fun with this one, and I hope you do, too.

Trigger Warning: Body Horror is out now.

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Best of the Best

Some characters you create, and some you just wish you’d created.

Deviant Dolls

What’s the best character you’ve ever written? What’s the one character you wish you’d written? These are the hard questions I like to put to other authors, but rarely like answering myself. (Don’t worry, I do answer this one)

The Dolls had to answer me, or else I’d be bitchy at them for weeks, so here are the best characters they’ve written, and/or the one they wish they’d written:

41ZPP0T6czLKatrina: I wish I’d written Calamity Leek from The First Book of Calamity Leek. I love kid characters in adult books, but especially ones that have one over on the adults–they see more, learn more, do more… Calamity is a force to be reckoned with at only ten or eleven years old in her clan of crazy, heathen sisters.

41Es7snNtSL._SY346_Christian: What’s with all these impossible fucking questions? Jesus. That’s not my answer, by the way. Okay, not a…

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The Process

A lot of writers talk about their ‘process.’ The thing is, there is no right or wrong way of doing it. Ultimately, you have to figure out what works for you. Maybe this will help.

Deviant Dolls

A common interview question for authors is “Do you have a writing process?” This refers to the little things we do or incorporate into our routine in order to be productive in our writing. It’s fascinating because every writer is different, and some have some pretty weird shit they need/do to keep the creative juices flowing.

Christian: When I write non-fiction, yes. I write down all the main points I want to make in order, then do the necessary research and piece the whole thing together like a puzzle. That’s more of an exact science, and there are formulas to follow.

But when I write fiction, none at all. I generally wing it. I don’t know what works for other people, but I hate routines. Too stifling. I think when you try to pour creativity into a bottle is where it all goes wrong. I set targets like word…

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Online Obsessions: Sites We Can’t Live Without

Take a look around our world!

Then turn around and leave, shaking your head in a mixture of disbelief and disappointment…

Deviant Dolls

Christian had this idea that you guys might enjoy knowing a few of our favorite things. Maybe he was wrong, but we’re going to tell you anyway. This week, let’s discuss the website we can’t live without.

Peter: It sounds crap but probably Amazon; I order almost everything I buy from there as I don’t like going out (mostly books and booze).

Christian: Wales Online, for many reasons. I travel a lot, and it’s the best way to keep in touch with things that happen in Wales where I am from. No other website, not even their own, has as much Cardiff City FC coverage. Other than that, I love the wacky news stories they publish, because Wales can be a pretty wacky place. Just the other week, they ran a headline, “MAN ADMITS HAVING SEX WITH HIS TERRIERS, TAFF AND BEN.”

I just love how they gave…

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So, Let’s Talk about Why You Didn’t Like My Book

The Deviant Dolls never avoid tackling issues. In fact, most of them go running off in search of issues to tackle. Drama.

Deviant Dolls

Wouldn’t we all love to ask a reader that? Especially those one-star jerks who leave NO EXPLANATION AT ALL? Yeah, you guys suck. In case you’re wondering, here’s one question we’d ask readers who didn’t like our books. Except Michael, who has to make sense and be rational all the time.

Michael: I have no questions. He or she has bought it so have every right to opine.

Katrina: There was one reviewer who couldn’t believe ALL DARLING CHILDREN was published because apparently it was so bad that anyone who okayed the publishing was obviously stupid. I’d probably ask her what put her in such a bad mood that she needed to be so horrible. It wasn’t as if she was criticizing any one or two things; she was just being shitty.

Christian: What’s wrong with you? Are you some kind of fucking dunderhead? Hello? McFly?

I’m…

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Favorite Things: Musical Edition

Because it’s all about them beats…

Deviant Dolls

Christian had this idea that you guys might enjoy knowing a few of our favorite things. Maybe he was wrong, but we’re going to tell you anyway. This week, let’s all share our favorite album (music, for you young folks like Katrina who aren’t aware that such things are still in some people’s vocabulary). For many of us, music is crucial to getting in the right head space for writing, so finding a whole collection of songs that make us happy is pretty important.

Christian: I’m a rocker at heart, so I’m going for Def Leppard’s Hysteria. It’s just the perfect album. Sometimes the best works of art are born out of adversity, and this album certainly was because drummer Rick savage lost his arm in a car accident prior to recording. Twelve tracks, seven singles and 25 million sales, it epitomizes eighties garishness and excess and Mutt Lange’s…

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Superpowered

They wouldn’t let me be Deadpool…

Deviant Dolls

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? This question is harder than you’d think to answer, because there are so many possibilities. The Dolls have considered their limitations as mere mortals, and we all have a power we’d love to claim, even for a little while:

Steve: The ability to change people’s minds in internet arguments. I realise that’s very fantastical, but indulge me.

Renee: Time travel and/or immortality. I can’t make up my mind. It’d be nice to have both. Although, if you can travel through time, isn’t that a sort of immortality? I guess it depends on the rules of the time travel ability, right? I don’t know. Let’s go with immortality. I’m pretty clumsy and I’m sure my death will be the result of some stupid and/or embarrassing thing that could’ve been avoided. With immortality, I can’t hurt myself too badly.

Katrina

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