The Dylan Decker novelette, A Christmas Cannibal, has been released as a stand-alone by Undertaker Books as part of their Graveside Reads series, making the perfect gift for the ghoul in your life!
Or for yourself.
Christmas in the badlands is never much fun. But when someone steals his horse and leaves him for dead in a snowstorm, this one has the potential to be Dylan Decker’s worst ever. Or even his last.
But he isn’t ready to die just yet. He tracks the thief to a nearby town, where the festive season is in full swing, with revenge on his mind. Little does he know that his ordeal is only just beginning, and the ho ho horror is about to go to another level.
This time, Dylan may have bitten off more than he can chew…
Starring: Alan Ormsby, Anya Ormsby, Valerie Mamches, Jeff Gillen, Paul Cronin, Jane Daly, Bruce Solomon
Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things (also known as Revenge of the Living Dead, Things from the Dead, Cemetery of the Dead, The Siege of the Living Dead, and Zreaks) is an iconic piece of work co-written and directed by Bob Clark, who would go on to direct Deathdream (1974) and the classic frat comedy Porky’s. Riffing off Night of the Living Dead (1968), the script was written in 10 days and the movie shot in 14 on a budget of just $50,000, with most of the people working on it being college friends making it a true labour of love. Most of the cast were not even trained actors, with only a select few going to to have modest careers in TV or cinema. Also, this must be one of the very few zombie movies starring a married couple, Alan and Anya Ormsby who’s characters, hilariously, are also named Alan and Anya. Nod, nod, wink, wink. The quips and one-liners come thick and fast (“What a bunch of stiffs!”). At least, they do until the shit hits the fan.
The story follows a theatre troupe (“I do have talent when I have a good part!”) who travel by boat to an island off the coast of Miami that is mainly used as a cemetery for criminals, for a night of campy fun. When they arrive, their director Alan (Ormsby), a twisted, sadistic individual, tells the motley crew of actors, whom he refers as his ‘children’, stories about the island’s grisly history in a concerted effort to unsettle them. He also digs up the corpse of a man named Orville, which is certain to make any party go with a bang. The names written on the styrofoam tombstones, by the way, are the names of various crew members.
“They’re having trouble all over the world with graverobbbers, ghouls, and people breaking into cemeteries.”
“But we’re the graverobbers. Who’s going to bother us?”
“Nobody but demons.”
And zombies, as we are soon to discover.
Eventually, Alan leads the group to a cottage where they are supposed to spend the night, and then proceeds to get robed up and prepare the group for an ancient ritual to summon the dead. Probably not the smartest move when you’re on an island off the coast of Miami that is mainly used as a cemetery for criminals, but okay then. When some of the group aren’t so keen (understandably) he threatens them with the sack, which I am pretty sure would be a breach of some ethical code or other these days, but this was the seventies. Alan’s bullying and cheap jokes soon stop when the gang realise the ritual they performed had worked, and the entire island is now swarming with freshly reanimated zombies. It kind of makes you wonder what they expected to happen. Even for a low-budget seventies horror comedy film, “They seem pretty slow. Why don’t we make a run for it?” has to be one of the dumbest lines ever uttered.
In a desperate attempt to get themselves out of the mess they had created, the group attempts to perform another ritual to return the zombies to their graves. And it works! For a bit. However, they neglect to return Orville to his grave, prompting the zombies to re-emerge and ambush the group as they leave the house. Alan and Anya retreat back inside, and in a last ditch effort to save himself, despicable Alan throws Anya to the zombies and locks himself in the bedroom where he left Orville’s corpse, not realising Orville is now a zombie, too.
In these #RetView posts I try to keep spoilers to a minimum and not to discuss plot holes or endings. I’m not here to be a killjoy, and my hope is that readers will seek these films out themselves. On this occasion, though, I feel I have to mention it. The zombies get on the boat, see. The boat the group had taken to the island. As the zombies board it, you can see the inviting lights of Miami twinkling in the background, the implication being that the zombies will soon enter the mainstream, so to speak. But… who is going to sail the boat? Sailing a boat is a tricky business, or so I imagine. These zombies are shambling husks that can barely walk. I doubt very much any of them retain enough brain function, let alone dexterity, to captain a boat across a choppy section of water. I know I’m probably pedantic but as the credits rolled all I could think was, “Shit! The zombies got on the boat!” which was, I suppose, the desired effect. But this was quickly followed by, “Oh, it’s okay. they won’t get far. We’re good.”
Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things is currently rocking a 42% rating on review site Rotten Tomatoes and in reviewing the later DVD release, Bloody Disgusting said: “[This] is well worth your time if you haven’t gotten around to it yet [and] really should be held among the top zombie movies of all time.” Meanwhile, the website 100 Misspent Hours was less generous, saying, “The biggest problem with Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things is that it’s an 85-minute zombie movie in which the zombies don’t turn up until minute 64.”
Bob Clark was said to have been considering a remake, but plans were curtailed when his Infiniti I30 was hit by a drunk driver in April 2007. Unless, of course, Alan Ormsby decides to raise him from the dead. Since then, other rumours of a remake have circulated, but none have so far come to fruition. It is available as a free download from the Internet Archive.
Starring: Dick Purcell, Joan Woodberry, Mantan Moreland, Henry Victor, John Archer
This B-movie starts off with three men in a cargo plane en route to Puerto Rico attempting a crash landing on a secluded island in the middle of the ocean because they got lost. Even in the 1940s, that premise must be considered questionable. Anyway, plane safely crashed in a graveyard (how’s your luck?) the three men, all remarkably unharmed and unshaken despite their ordeal, set about finding a way out of their predicament. Within about 15 seconds they stumble upon a creepy old mansion owned by a Dr. Miklos Sangre (Victor) and his rather subdued wife. Remarkably, he isn’t the least bit surprised to see them and doesn’t bother asking too many questions. At this point, one of the three, a servant (yes, it’s problematic) by the name of Jeff (Moreland) implores the group to leave. But of course everybody ignores him and sends him off to the servant’s quarters where he soon starts making friends. He also meets some zombies. But don’t worry, these are the more traditional kind of ‘reanimated corpse used for cheap labour’ variety of living dead so they aren’t into chasing people around and eating brains. Not at first, anyway.
Meanwhile, the trio (now reduced to a duo) guess something might be amiss with the spooky old mansion, but ignore any misgivings and whip the brandy out instead. As you do. When Jeff tries to warn them about the zombies they ridicule him, mainly on account of his skin colour, you feel. Stupid white people. Jeff actually turns out to be right. Plus, he also has all the best lines (“Did I hear anything? No. Just the sound of my heart trying to jump out of my chest!”). When the group eventually pluck up the courage to go exploring, one of them contracts ‘jungle fever’ and ends up dead and buried. But not for long, obvs. They then find Dr. Sangre conducting a voodoo ritual in the cellar with a veritable army of the undead. Given that this film was released in the middle of World War Two, it wouldn’t feel complete without some war references, and it soon transpires that not only is Dr. Sangre a madman up to his nuts in zombies and black magic, but he’s a gosh darn spy as well! Could he BE any more evil? That said, though there are a few hints throughout the movie, the film makers are extremely careful not to explicitly say the doctor is German. Instead, the plot refers to him as “A secret agent for a European government” and encourages the audience to draw their own conclusions, which they inevitably do.
King of Zombies supposedly started out as a straight horror film, but when the Bob Hope vehicle The Ghost Breakers (1940) became a big hit for Paramount, changes were made, which included replacing the original director with Yarbrough, who was more known for his comedies. He would go on to direct such genre staples as House of Horrors (1946), The Creeper (1948) and Lost in Alaska (1952) with legendary comedy duo Abbot and Costello. King of Zombies is one of the very few horror movies to be nominated for an Academy Award for best music (Music Score of a Dramatic Picture). The composer Edward Kay worked on over 340 films from the 1930s into the 1960s, and was actually nominated for Academy Awards on multiple occasions but never won. In 1943, it was followed by a sequel (of sorts) called Revenge of the Zombies that featured two of the original cast members. Mantan Moreland reprised his role as Jeff and Madame Sul-Te-Wan was cast as Mammy Beulah, the housekeeper.
In a contemporary review, website Basement Rejects, notes: “Like a lot of the films at a time, most of the movie relies on xenophobia and the strangeness of different cultures. This is combined with a number of jokes surrounding the Black valet who is the only one who completely believes in the zombies that are ‘haunting’ the island.” 100 Misspent Hours were much less complementary in saying: “What we’ve got here is an agonizingly unfunny, racist horror comedy with no redeeming features beyond its extreme brevity and the rare witty one-line.”
My personal opinion is somewhere in between. Despite the sometimes questionable cultural references, King of Zombies is actually a pretty decent comedy horror. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the pacing moves things along quickly. There aren’t many dull moments. Perhaps best of all, like many movies of the era, it’s a fast watch and readily available to watch for free online.
Trivia Corner
The role of Dr. Victor Sangre was originally meant for genre heavyweight Bela Lugosi. When he became unavailable, negotiations ensued to obtain Peter Lorre for the part, but a deal could not be reached. Veteran character actor Henry Victor, who was born in England but grew up in Germany was signed just in time. Sadly, he died from a brain tumour in March 1945 at the age of 52.
Starring: Jason Lively, Steve Marshall, Jill Whitlow, Tom Atkins, Wally Taylor, Richard Miller
As regular readers of this series will know, I can’t resist some eighties schlock. And they don’t come much more eighties and schlocky than this. On the surface it’s a zombie flick, the splatter/comedy tone eerily reminiscent of Re-Animator (1985), right down to the zombiefied cat. But at it’s core, Night of the Creeps is a homage to the fifties B-Movies like The Blob (1958) and The Giant Claw (1957) we all love so much. It even opens with a cut scene which manages to encapsulate an alien invasion and an escaped lunatic before fast-forwarding 27 years to a university Pledge Week setting where Chris Romero (Lively) and his best friend JC (Marshall) are pining over lost loves (“I don’t like being depressed. It’s depressing”). In the crowd they pick out Cynthia Cronenberg (Whitlow) and join a fraternity in a misguided attempt to gain her affection. Unfortunately, Cynthia’s boyfriend is the head honcho and tasks the hapless duo with stealing a cadaver from the university medical center and depositing it on the steps of a rival frat house. In the process, they inadvertently thaw out a frozen corpse (“a corpsicle!”) who turns out to be the boy from the opening scene, who then goes to pick up his date at her sorority house 27 years late. And dead. Not only that, but he’s infected with an alien parasite which looks like a slug and likes to jump into people’s orifices. Before you know it, it’s carnage.
Released by TriStar Pictures the film is widely regarded as a box office flop, earning a meagre $591,366 domestically. But it was only released in 70 theatres so that isn’t too surprising, and apparently it was quite big in the Philippines where it was released on March 5, 1987, with free “protector” stickers handed out to moviegoers. I love a good bit of PR.
Director Fred Dekker, who was also involved with House (1986), Monster Squad (1987) and several episodes of the legendary series Tales From the Crypt, originally wanted to shoot the film in black and white. He included every B-movie cliche he could think of and insisted on directing the script himself. Most of the main characters (Romero, Carpenter, Raimi, Hooper, Cronenberg) are named after famous horror movie makers and ‘Corman University’ itself is a reference to Roger Corman. The script was allegedly written in a week and the truth is, it shows. Some of the jokes are weak and predictable, and the whole thing treads the line between being a homage and simply being derivative. Part of the charm is the slapped-together punk-tastic approach, but you can’t help but wonder how much better it could have been had it been a bit more polished. In their review, the New York times acknowledged as much but went on to say it also demonstrates, “A fair ability to create suspense, build tension and achieve respectable performances.” Writing for Fangoria, Michael Gingold called it, “One of the year’s most surprisingly entertaining fright features, one that homaged practically every subgenre imaginable yet kept a sure hand on its tone and never descended into spoofery.” Dread Central were even more complimentary, generously calling it, “A classic in every sense of the word.”
Strangely, in Cincinnati and a few other cities, the movie was re-named Homecoming Night and two different endings were made. The most common version shows Chris and Cynthia standing in front of the burning sorority house, with the camera moving to the street as police cars race towards the burning building past a ‘zombified’ Cameron, who stops and falls to the ground. His head then bursts open and the alien parasite slugs that incubated there scamper out and slither towards a nearby cemetery. The other, far less elaborate ending, has a dog in it. A later completely unrelated film called Zombie Town was marketed to some audiences as an ‘unofficial sequel.’ The original has been reissued in a number of formats, most recently on Blu-ray in 2019.
Trivia Corner
According to Dekker the prominent “Stryper Rules” graffiti visible in the bathroom scene appeared due to makeup artist Kyle Sweet’s relationship with future husband Michael Sweet, frontman of Christian metal band Stryper, who’d she’d met whilst working on their video. Kyle Sweet also worked on Teen Wolf (1985) and The Terminator (1984) and passed away from cancer in 2009. Stryper live on, releasing their most recent album The Final Battle in 2022.
The RetView series is taking a short break and will be back soon, giving you the perfect opportunity to catch up on some previous installments.
Starring: Harvey Keitel, George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis, Cheech Marin, Salma Hayek, Tom Savini, Danny Trejo, Michael Parks
There’s been a long-running debate as to whether or not From Dusk Till Dawn qualifies as a bona fide Tarantino movie, who was then riding the crest of a wave on the back of his masterful Pulp Fiction (1994) which he wrote and directed as he had his 1992 breakthrough Reservoir Dogs. Though he played a supporting role and From Dusk Till Dawn definitely benefited from his involvement, Tarantino’s creative input was limited to a screenplay writing credit, the original idea coming from Robert Kurtzman whose career had started in the special effects departments of Night of the Creeps (1986) and Predator (1987), and handed Tarantino his first ever paid gig, for which he was paid $1500. Universal Pictures originally considered Tarantino’s screenplay as the follow-up to Demon Knight (1995) but ultimately produced another vampire film, Bordello of Blood (1996), instead. With it’s slick production values and all-star cast, From Dusk Till Dawn was very much a movie for the MTV generation, a sentiment underscored when it cleaned up at the 1996 MTV Movie Awards, winning in three separate categories including Best Horror Film and Best Actor for George Clooney. Interestingly, Tarantino was nominated for Worst Supporting Actor at both the Golden Raspberry Award and the Stinkers Bad Movie Awards. The film was banned in, Ireland with Irish Film Censor Board head Sheamus Smith citing its, “Irresponsible and totally gratuitous” violence, which he felt was particularly untimely in the wake of the then-recent Dunblane and Port Arthur massacres. On January 27, 2004, the video release was passed with an ’18’ certificate.
Fugitive bank robbers Seth (Clooney) and Richie (Tarantino) Grecko hold up a liquor store, killing a clerk and a Texas Ranger (Earl McGraw, played by Parks. More about him later) in a shootout and go into hiding at a motel. Meanwhile, Jacob Fuller (Keitel), a pastor experiencing a crisis of faith brought on by the death of his wife, is on vacation with his teenage children Scott and Kate (Lewis) in their RV. They stop at the motel and are swiftly kidnapped by the Gecko brothers, who force the family to smuggle them over the Mexican border. In Mexico, they arrive at a banging strip club in the desert called the Titty Twister, where the Gecko brothers plan to meet a contact, Carlos, at dawn. During a bar fight, the bar employees reveal themselves to be creatures most commonly referred to in literature surrounding this film ‘vampires’, though they have very little in common with other cinematic portrayals. They attack the patrons, killing most of them, including Richie, and what was already a very tense evening (for the Fuller family, anyway) is elevated to a whole new level.
This can best be described as a horror comedy, with plenty of Easter eggs and nods to other works by Tarantino and/or Rodriguez. For example, Seth Gecko’s line, “All right, Ramblers. Let’s get rambling!” is a direct quote from Reservoir Dogs (1992). Chronologically From Dusk Till Dawn takes place after both Kill Bill movies (2003 and 2004) and Death Proof (2007) since minor character Earl McGraw was alive in those and was killed in this movie. Due to the heavy number of special effects, the film had to be strictly budgeted. Only six full body vampire suits could be made for the climax that called for many dozens of vampires. In the final film, the same six actors play all of the vampires getting killed over and over. In some shots, dummies, puppets and cardboard cut-outs were placed in the background to create the illusion of a large host of vampires. In her review for The New York Times, Janet Maslin wrote, “The latter part of From Dusk till Dawn is so relentless that it’s as if a spigot has been turned on and then broken. Though some of the tricks are entertainingly staged, the film loses its clever edge when its action heats up so gruesomely and exploitatively that there’s no time for talk.” Meanwhile, in his review for The Washington Post, Desson Howe wrote, “The movie, which treats you with contempt for even watching it, is a monument to its own lack of imagination. It’s a triumph of vile over content; mindless nihilism posing as hipness.”
It’s fair to say that Tarantino’s work has always divided critics. Personally, I think it can be a bit hit and miss. Pulp Fiction is one of my favourite movies ever, and From Dusk till Dawn isn’t that far behind but a few of his other high-profile releases have been much-ado about nothing. From Dusk till Dawn was followed by two direct-to-video instalments, a sequel From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999) and a prequel called From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter (2000). Tarantino served as producer on both, and Danny Trejo was the only actor to appear in all three. There was also a TV series which ran for three seasons from 2014-2016 and a video game.
Trivia Corner:
Salma Hayek had a morbid fear of snakes, so when she read the script, she knew her phobia would prevent her from taking the part. Robert Rodriguez conned her into thinking that Madonna was ready to step in should she not accept it so Hayek spent two months in therapy trying to overcome her fear. She didn’t have a choreographer for her now-legendary dance, because according to her, it wouldn’t be possible to choreograph the live Albino Burmese Python Reticulus around her neck. Therefore, she made it up as she went along. Rammstein’s video for “Engel” is an homage to this movie.
Starring: Harry H. Corbett, Kenneth Williams, Jim Dale, Angela Douglas, Joan Sims, Charles Hawtrey, Bernard Bresslaw, Jon Pertwee
Apparently, not that many people outside Britain have heard of the legendary Carry On films. Quite frankly, this appals me. The films (all 30-plus of them, including such gems as Carry On Teacher, Carry On Behind and Carry On Doctor) are a British institution. Where else are you going to get fart jokes and edgy one-liners about hard-ons and big knockers on terrestrial telly at Sunday tea times? That particular brand of humour perhaps belongs in the past but it was expertly done, not least because almost every gag worked on multiple levels.
This particular outing is a parody of the Hammer Horror films, which were peaking in popularity at the time, and is similar in style and tone to What A Carve Up (1961). It tells the story of a series of mysterious disappearances deep in the English countryside, which ultimately leads police to a mad, electrically-charged Dr. Watt (Williams) in a castle and a monster called Oddbod (Clegg), who are quite obviously based on Dr Frankenstein and his monster. There’s also a butler called Sprockett (Bresslaw) who is a dead ringer for Lurch of the Addam’s Family. Not-very-subtle references are also made to Dr Jeckyll and Mr Hyde. The bumbling coppers are led by DC Slowbotham (Butterworth) who, it turns out, has been investigating the disappearances for yonks. Through a convoluted process of trial and error, he eventually discovers that Dr. Watt and his sister are behind the crimes and have been using Oddbod to abduct people and turn them into mannequins, House of Wax-style, which they sell to the public. During the movie Dr. Watt alludes to the fact that he is Dr Who’s nephew and, coincidendally, John Pertwee (who played Doctor Who from 1970-74) also has a part in Carry on Screaming!
Production of Carry on Screaming ran from 10 January 1966 to 25 February 1966, and it was filmed at Pinewood Studios and on location in Berkshire and Buckinghamshire. It was only the second film in the ‘Carry On’ series to have a theme song with lyrics. The vocal duties were credited as “Anon” and were first thought to have been sung by Jim Dale, who appears in the film. However, the singer is actually Ray Pilgrim, a session musician who worked for the Embassy label. A vinyl 45 rpm version was also released in 1966 (Columbia DB 7972) by Boz Burrell, before he became bassist for King Crimson and Bad Company. According to the website What a Carry On, Charles Hawtrey was added at the eleventh hour, after American distributors specifically requested him, as he was such a crowd-pleaser with audiences there. His character Dan Dann is a play on the popular phrase “Dan, Dan the …(name of trade, e.g. “baker”)… man.” Since he works as the attendant in a public toilet, he always cuts people off when they start saying the phrase.
Carry on Screaming is often seen as one of the best of the Carry On series, with Ian Nathan of Empire magazine pointing out that, “This 12th of the franchise shows that the series could also tackle satire, as well as the tits and bum humour.” On Rotten Tomatoes it has accumulated a Tomatometer score of 71% and an audience score of 72% based on over 2,500 ratings. It was the only instalment in the franchise to ever make it onto Time Out magazine’s list of the top 100 comedy films of all time. Andy Davidson, author of the book “Carry On Confidential,” said, “The Carry On films are the epitome of British film comedy [and] were never better than when they cocked a knowing snook at popular genres of the time. With the Hammer Horror films very much at the height of their popularity in the mid-1960s, it was inevitable that the team would turn their attentions to Bray’s finest before too long.”
With its tongue firmly in cheek, Carry On Screaming still strikes the perfect balance between comedy and horror.
Trivia Corner:
Veteran Sid James is replaced by Harry H. Corbett due to James being committed to appearing as one of the robbers in the pantomime “Babes in the Wood” at the London Palladium, which ran until June 1966. In total, James appeared in 19 Carry On films, receiving top billing in 17 of them. In 1976 he suffered a heart attack and died on stage at Sunderland Empire Theatre at the age of 62.
Starring: Russ Tamblyn, Marc Price, Nancy Valen, Wayne McNamara, Stella Stevens
Little Devils: The Birth is one of those films that got lost in the shuffle. Marketed as a comedy horror in the Gremlins or Ghoulies vein, it’s not really funny enough to be a comedy and not horrific enough to be a horror. It didn’t even have a hard rock soundtrack for Christ’s sake, and lacking big industry backing and a massive distribution deal, when it was released it fell between the cracks of the two genres and quickly became forgotten. In horror circles, just being aware of it granted you entry into some kind of exclusive club governed by knowing winks and secret handshakes. It doesn’t get more ‘cult movie’ than that.
It was reportedly conceived as a TV pilot for a new anthology series along the lines of The Hitchhiker and Tales from the Crypt, but when that plan fell through the makers decided to press on and turn it into a feature film instead. It received a timely boost when released by Shivers Entertainment on limited edition remastered DVD for the first time in 2017, but even then flew under the radar, the only media coverage being canned copy recycled from the press release churned out by bored journos with pages to fill. It’s almost as if there’s a conspiracy afoot to ensure the movie stays underground where it can build upon its growing reputation year on year until it eventually grows horns and takes over the world. I for one think it deserves a wider audience, so here we are.
Like all the best films, it begins when an unpopular, debt-ridden mad scientist. This one, Dr. Lionel (McNamara), literally goes to hell and back, and returns with a souvenir in the form of some runny mud that looks a lot like melted chocolate. Possessed and compelled to work, he sets about creating an army of tiny, impish figures who come to life, break out, and start terrorizing the apartment block in which he lives. First stop is the apartment downstairs which is home to Ed (Marc Price, of Trick or Treat fame – in which his character name was also Ed, weirdly enough) a frustrated writer reduced to producing smutty stories for a sleazy magazine to make ends meet whilst being pursued by strange, lust-filled landlord, Clara Madison (Stevens). Clara treats Dr. Lionel with complete disdain, yet has the hots for Ed. Ed isn’t interested, though. Especially after he meets exotic dancer Lynn (Valen) while researching a book at the local homeless shelter and the two begin a tumultuous relationship. Ed and his motley crew of friends, lovers and acquaintances then have to battle the rampaging horde of ‘little devils’ before things get (any more) out of hand.
Though very much a product of its time, given the pedigree of some of the people involved, it was something of a surprise that Little Devils: The Birth didn’t make a bigger splash. It was the brainchild of British director George Pavlou, who’d made his name on the Clive Barker vehicles Underworld (1985) and Rawhead Rex (1986), and writer Elliot Stein, fresh from the similarly-themed TV movie Gray Clay Dolls (1991). The biggest coup in front of the camera came in the form of the legendary Stella Stevens who had successfully made the transition from Playboy to the big (and small) screen, appearing in scores of movies and TV shows in a career spanning half a century including The Poseidon Adventure (1972), The Manitou (1978) and Monster in the Closet (1986). Despite the lowbrow, tongue-in-cheek subject material, her star quality shines through in every scene she’s in and its a bitter disappointment when *spoiler alert* the little devils get her half way through. In fact, all the actors do a decent job and the script, though played mostly for laughs, is also surprisingly good (sample dialogue: “You write porno. That doesn’t necessarily make you a pervert, even though you are one”).
Yes, the plot is silly, the effects are cheesy, and at times the whole thing feels a bit like one of those early Ratt videos MTV would play after midnight back when they still played music, but all things considered this forgotten gem is well worthy of its cult status. The title suggests that at least one sequel was planned, but that never transpired. Not yet, anyway. We can but hope.
Trivia Corner
Before becoming an actress, Stella Stevens was a member of the five-voice vocal ensemble The skip-Jacks who performed the theme song from The Flintstones, among other things. She went on to forge a long-term relationship with famed producer and one-time Kiss guitarist Bob Kulick, which lasted until his death in 2020.
Starring: Sid James, Kenneth Connor, Shirley Eaton, Dennis Price, Donald Pleasence, Michael Gough
Okay, this isn’t strictly a horror film. It’s more of a comedy in the Carry On Screaming vein. By coincidence, it even features some of the ‘Carry On’ lot. Though leaning more toward comedy, it was effectively marketed as a comedy horror, and is therefore worthy of a place in this series, the purpose of which is not only to celebrate the classics, but also the derided, forgotten and overlooked. If anything, I lean more toward the derided, forgotten and overlooked in an effort to make them slightly less so. What A Carve Up! is intentionally crammed full of old-school horror tropes and cliches from misty moors and an old haunted mansion, to secret passages and clandestine murders, and is all done with that distinctively quaint English charm. The film was loosely based on the novel The Ghoul by Frank King, which had been adapted for the screen in 1933.
When affable yet unremarkable Ernie Broughton (Connor), who spends far too much time with his head buried in horror novels, recieves word that a distant uncle of his has died, he travels to a secluded country mansion for a reading of the will with flatmate Syd Butler (James). There, the duo meet an eccentric selection of distant relatives, a butler (Michael Gough in the same kind of role that later defined him in the Batman films), and a mad piano player. Soon after they arrive, one of their number is found murdered, forcing the others to spend the night in the company of the killer, who doesn’t stop at one. The night quickly descends into a riotously funny battle for survival, and a hunt to unmask the crazed killer. One of the funniest moments comes when someone calls the police and an Inspector accuses Ernie of not being as much of a fool as he makes out. “But I am!” he protests. All this leads to a predictably preposterous ending and final unveiling, but by then you won’t even care who the killer is because arriving at that point is such good fun.
The title itself works as a pun on carving up (dividing) the deceased family estate, and ‘carve up’ as in cutting meat, a reference to knife murder, one of the ways one of the victims are dispatched. In America, the title was changed to, “No place like a homicide!” which is obviously a play on the phrase “No place like home” which also works as its set in an ancestral family home. The phrase had been buried in the American psyche since popularized by the character Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz (1939). I do love a good pun. Perhaps surprisingly, the movie didn’t fare so well in America, and wasn’t helped by a spate of indifferent reviews, like the one to be found in the New York Times on 13th September 1962, which stated, “The fact that a film of this degree of vulgarity and ineptitude should have managed a week’s booking at neighbourhood theatres throughout Manhattan demonstrates just how acute the motion picture product shortage really is.”
Even so, over the years What a Carve Up! has deservedly won cult status in the genre labelled ‘dark house’ by some. In truth, it’s a parody, and a very effective one, which is hardly surprising given that it was co-written by the king of the double entendre, Ray Cooney. Incidentally, the director Pat Jackson went on to lend his skills to The Prisoner and the Professionals, among other things, and it was a huge influence on the 1994 novel of the same name by Jonathan Coe which won the John Llewellyn Rhys prize, one of the oldest literary awards in the UK. Its current overall score on Rotten Tomatoes stands at a respectable 66% while it has been ‘liked’ by 91% of Google users. It’s also notable for a late, uncredited cameo from teen idol Adam Faith. You can watch What a Carve Up on YouTube.
Trivia Corner:
The butler Fisk is pictured reading a copy of DH Lawrence’s “Lady Chatterley’s Lover.” In 1961, this was a subtle, yet timely gag as its publishers Penguin Books had been prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act in a widely-publicized trial at the Old Bailey the previous year.
Starring: Chris Sarandon, William Ragsdale, Amanda Bearse, Roddy McDowall, Stephen Geoffreys
Something occurred to me recently. So far, I haven’t covered many vampire movies in the RetView series. In fact, the only ones I’ve featured have been Lost Boys and Kolchak: The Night Stalker. Personally, I just find the whole vampire thing a bit naff and predictable. If you’ll excuse the pun, it’s been done to death. Hurrah! That’s why, to my mind, the vampire legend is best done with a splash of humour, like both the aforementioned did with great success. Another vampire comedy horror classic is Fright Night from 1985, the year of Brothers in Arms, Live Aid and Miami Vice. It became the second highest grossing horror movie of the year behind A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge, and is notable for being the directorial debut of Tim Holland, who went on to direct Child’s Play (1988) and Thinner (1996) as well as episodes of Amazing Stories and Tales from the Crypt. The movie also benefited from a Big Eighties Soundtrack featuring the likes of the J Geils Band, who performed the title track, Autograph, April Wine and Ian Hunter, the irony being that most of these artists were already streaking into irrelevance having peaked long before. Much like the vampire itself. If the producers had been a bit more adventurous and signed someone a bit more contemporary (like the Elm Street franchise did a couple of years later when they hired Dokken to record the seminal Dream Warriors, or when the makers of Shocker persuaded Megadeth to get involved) it could’ve made all the difference. Still, Fright Night didn’t really need the Big Eighties Soundtrack, it was a massive hit anyway, winning three Saturn awards and grossing over $24 million, despite Columbia having very low expectations of it.
17-year-old Charley Brewster (Ragsdale) is a fan of horror films and a late-night TV series entitled Fright Night hosted by former ‘vampire hunter’ Peter Vincent (McDowall). One evening, Charley discovers that his new next door neighbour, Jerry Dandrige (Sarandon) is the blood-thirsty sucker responsible for several mysterious disappearances. In desperation, he alerts the authorities but, unable to find any evidence, they brush off Brewster’s claims and leave him at the mercy of an angry and vengeful Dandridge. Fearful for the safety of himself and his girlfriend Amy (Bearse) and with no other choice, Brewster goes to best friend Evil Ed (Geoffreys) and his idol, Vincent, for help. Together the motley crew battle the forces of evil. Or try to. But far from being a fearless vampire hunter, Vincent turns out to be a bit of a scaredy cat, as well as a fraud, Brewster’s best friend is a bit of a dick, and his girlfriend appears to have the horn for his nemesis.
The writing in Fright Night is top-notch, as are some of the performances. Stephen Geoffreys (who, ironically, went on to star in 976-EVIL a couple of years later) is brilliant as Evil Ed, but it’s Roddy McDowall who steals the show. One of those saturn awards went to him for ‘Best Supporting Actor.’ His character was named after horror icons Peter Cushing and Vincent price, for whom Holland had specifically written the part. However, at this point in his career, Price had been so badly typecast that he had stopped accepting roles in horror movies. Hollywood badboy Charlie sheen auditioned for the part of Brewster, and I can’t help feeling he would have been amazing as the bumbling teen, but Holland thought Sheen was a ‘hero’ while Ragsdale was, quite literally, “the guy next door.” For her final transformation as a busty vampire, Amanda Bearse wore a prosthetic breast plate to enhance her cleavage. Legend has it that in 2012 she took it to a horror convention and encouraged fans to ‘feel her boobs’ while she signed autographs. Brilliant.
Fright Night as a franchise has grown to include a sequel, imaginatively entitled Fright Night Part 2 (1988) and a remake in 2011. When later asked his thoughts about it, Tom Holland said, “Kudos to them on every level for their professionalism, but they forgot the humor and the heart. They should have called it something other than Fright Night, because it had no more than a passing resemblance to the original.”
Ouch.
The remake was itself followed by a sequel Fright Night 2: New Blood (2013), as well as numerous comics, graphic novels and a video game. Interestingly, the movie even made the crossover to Bollywood in 1989 with a version called Kalpana House (1989), and was adapted for the stage in 2018. Proof positive that, just like the vampires of myth and legend, Fright Night lives on. And on.
Trivia Corner
The makeup for Evil Ed’s wolf transformation took 18 hours to complete. While he had the wolf head on, the crew began pouring what they thought was Methylcellulose into his mouth to create the illusion of saliva, but when Geoffreys began to complain about the taste, the crew realized they’d been using prosthetic adhesive, which was gluing his mouth shut. Doh.
Starring: Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk, Katrina Bowden
There haven’t been many films made in the past decade which I’ve been able to watch repeatedly. In fact, Tucker & Dale Vs Evil is probably the only one. But even our happy co-existence didn’t get off to a great start. Some time in 2015 (I think), it came on the Horror Channel. As per usual, I had the Horror Channel on in the background while I did something else. Not being familiar with the film, I had it down as just A.N. Other low-budget gore fest. It is, of course. But it is much more than that. It wasn’t until about half way through that I actually stopped what I was doing and started paying attention. Even then, I was hit with a few “WTF?” moments before I was able to settle down enough to enjoy it. It was a lot funnier than I expected. Obviously, having missed the first half I made a point of catching it the next time it was on (which was probably about three days later) and then watched it another couple of times over the next two years or so just because it’s a fucking riot.
Tucker (Tudyk) and Dale (Labine) are two well-meaning redneck hillbilly types with a knack for getting it wrong. Awfully wrong. They also happen to be the unluckiest duo in movie history. Whilst on their way to their newly-acquired vacation cabin deep in the woods, Dale tries talking to a couple of girls at a truck stop but is hamstrung by crippling anxiety (“I hate my face!”). The group of college kids from the truck stop are camping nearby, and amuse each other by telling campfire stories about a psychotic hillbilly serial killer who slaughtered a bunch of college kids years previously and buried their bodies in the wilderness. This puts everyone on edge, and when one of the girls (Allison, played by Katrina Bowden from 30 Rock and the movies Sex Drive, Scary Movie 5 and Piranha 3DD) falls and knocks herself unconscious whilst skinny-dipping, she is rescued by Tucker and Dale who are out on a fishing trip, only for her friends to completely misread the situation and assume she was being held captive. They run away, leaving our calamitous duo to take her back to their vacation cabin. She awakes the next morning to Dale’s pancake breakfast and a slobbering dog. He persuades her to sit tight and play his favourite board game with him while they wait for her friends to come and pick her up. The friends, who prove to be even more of a liability than Rucker and Dale, then start accidentally dying. As Tucker notes, “There we were minding our own business, just doing chores around the house, when kids started killing themselves all over my property.”
Meanwhile, though her friends are convinced she is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, could romance be blossoming between Dale and Allison? “I should have known if a guy like me talked to a girl like you, somebody would end up dead.”
Written and directed by Canadian Eli Craig, who had a role in Carrie 2: The Rage (1999), Tucker & Dale Vs Evil was shelved before finally being unveiled at the Sundance Film Festival in January 2010 and enjoying a limited theater run the following year. Labelled as a horror-comedy, it is much more of a comedy than a horror, bucking the trend set down by offerings like Dog Soldiers, Severance or An American Werewolf in London, and is full of killer (boom!) one-liners (“He’s heavy for half a guy!”). Upon release, and since, Tucker and Dale Vs Evil has garnered generally favourable reviews. Writing for Empire, Adam Smith said it was, “Genuinely funny. A life lesson in prejudicing a man just because he is skinning a squirrel,” while the Guardian called the film, “Ingenious.” It also won a slew of industry awards including the prestigious ‘Audience Award’ at the SXSW Film Festival and the Fangoria Chainsaw award for best screenplay.
Trivia Corner:
Following the cult success of the first movie, a sequel was highly touted, However, this failed to materialize. Nobody was quite sure why, until someone asked Alan Tudyk in an interview. Apparently, the material just wasn’t strong enough. “I heard the synopsis,” Tudyk said, “And the general reaction from Eli was ‘No fucking way.’”
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