My Rock and My Roll

Pleased to announce that my 93rd short story has just been published! You can find My Rock and My Roll in the awesome Flash in a Flash newsletter.

I’ve long been fascinated by the Mandela Effect, so it was really only a matter of time before it leaked through into my fiction. My Rock and My Roll is a bit of a paranoid love story. It’s written, I hope, in such a way that the reader is never quite sure whether it’s the world that’s falling apart or just the protagonist.

Great fun. I don’t even mind that judging by the bio they printed, whoever runs the mag thinks I’m a woman. Can’t win ’em all.

RetView #78 – Burnt Offerings (1975)

Title: Burnt Offerings

Year of Release: 1975

Director: Dan Curtis

Length: 116 mins

Starring: Oliver Reed, Karen Black, Burgess Meredith, Eileen Heckart, Bette Davis, Anthony James

What a stellar cast. Oliver Reed and Bette Davis each have (had, sorry) the ability to elevate any only crap to whole new levels, and to have them both in the same film is just absurd. Being an English language geek, however, it took me a while to get past that title. Is it burned or burnt? Turns out it can be both though the former is more common in American English, which makes it even more surprising that they’ve chosen to go with ‘Burnt.’ It takes its title from the book of the same name by American author Robert Marasco published in 1973. Anyway, back to the movie, and this is very much a slow burner (get in!) low on gore and big on atmosphere typical of the raft of seventies haunted house films. Interestingly, Stephen King lists it as one of his favourite horror movies and there is ample evidence to suggest that the original book at least partly inspired his own novel The Shining. It won a slew of Saturn Awards, including Best Horror Film, and Best Director. Bette Davis also won the award for Best Supporting Actress.

Writer Ben Rolf (Reed), his wife Marian (Black), their 12-year-old son Davey and Ben’s elderly aunt Elizabeth (Davis) visit a large, remote, neo-classical 19th-century mansion with a view to renting it for the summer. The home’s eccentric owners, elderly siblings Arnold (Meredith) and Roz Allardyce (Heckart), offer them the property at a bargain price of $900 for the entire summer, which seems too good to be true. And it is. The offer comes with with a request: the Allardyce’s elderly mother, who they claim is 85 but could pass for spritely 59, will continue to live in her upstairs room, and the Rolfs are to provide her with meals during their stay. The old woman is obsessed with privacy and will not interact with them, so meals are to be left outside her door. Like that isn’t a red flag. Anyway, Marian soon becomes obsessed with the house, and eventually starts wearing some Victorian-era clothes she finds and distances herself from the rest of the family. Various unusual circumstances occur: Davey falls and hurts his knee playing in the garden, a dead plant starts to grow again, Ben comes a cropper with champagne bottle, and a malfunctioning light bulb is mysteriously repaired. Ben is also haunted by visions of an eerie, grinning hearse driver (James) who he had first seen at his mother’s funeral years earlier.

Despite the awards and the all-star cast, Burnt Offerings received mixed reviews. George Anderson of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette criticized it as being “dependent on typical horror tropes such as shocks and loud music hits” and described the tension as, “A lot of sinister huffing and puffing to little effect”. While praising Meredith and Heckart (who had won an academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in 1972 for her performance in Butterflies are Free) as the best performers in the film, Richard Dyer of The Boston Globe argued the source material gave the actors too little to work with. He called Black, who was four months pregnant during filming, “particularly inconsistent”, said Reed looked “like an eggplant”, and stated Davis “tries to create a Bette Davis character without any Bette Davis lines to work with.” At the other end of the spectrum, in a contemporary summary, Rovi Donald Guarisco of Movie Guide called the film “worthy of rediscovery by the horror fans who missed it the first time”, concluding that “In the end, Burnt Offerings is probably a bit too methodical in its pacing for viewers accustomed to slam-bang approach of post-’70s horror fare, but seasoned horror fans will find plenty to enjoy.”

For what it’s worth, I thought the performances were superb but found the overall package slightly overwrought and overlong, especially for a film where, frankly, there isn’t much plot. You could easily cut 20-25 minutes off the running time and lose nothing except some snivelling from Bette Davis and some posturing by Ollie Reed. In short, there’s more style here than substance, but what substance!

Trivia Corner

Bette Davis reportedly detested Oliver Reed. She insisted on referring to him as ‘that man’ and only speaking to him when they shared on-screen dialogue. After filming, she described him as “possibly one of the most loathesome human beings I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.” She also had conflicts with Karen Black, feeling that Black did not treat her with an appropriate degree of respect. Oh dear.

RetView #77 – Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)

Title: Attack of the Giant Leeches

Year of Release: 1959

Director: Bernerd L Kowalski

Length: 62 mins

Starring: Ken Clark, Yvette Vickers, Jan Shepard, Michael Emmet, Tyler McVey, Bruno VeSota

ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES, (aka THE GIANT LEECHES), poster art, 1959.

IMHO leeches are a very underused mechanism in horror. We see far too many rats, spiders and snakes, but not nearly enough of these natural blood-sucking vampires. They are fucking disgusting. Even the little tiny ones that stick to your legs after you go paddling in streams are gross. Imagine giant ones! Luckily, someone else did, so you don’t have to. Produced by Gene (brother of Robert) Corman and directed by Bernerd L Kowalski (who would go on to direct episodes of classic eighties action series’ Knight Rider and Airwolf) Attack of the Giant Leeches came right at the end of the 50’s creature feature craze that was a reaction to the Cold War that gave us such timeless gems as It Came From Beneath the Sea (1955), The Indestructable Man (1956) and The Blob (1958). This is reiterated, if you were in any doubt, when a character speculates that the man-eating leeches they are up against have been affected by atomic radiation from nearby Cape Canaveral. It was shot over eight days and released as part of a double bill with the horror comedy A Bucket of Blood (strangely enough, directed by another Corman, Roger, who would later gain fame for his film adaptations of Edgar Allan poe stories) by American International Pictures.

In the swampy Florida Everglades, a pair of massive intelligent leeches live in an underwater cave, presumably subsisting on the local wildlife as several references are made throughout the film to a lack of crocodiles in the area (which one would imagine not being a bad thing). Soon, though, the giant leeches decide to move on to people and begin dragging locals down to their cave, where they are kept alive and slowly drained of blood. Two of the first victims are local vixen Liz Walker (Vickers), who has been cheating on her husband Dave (VeSota), and her latest paramour. Poor traumatised Dave immediately comes under suspicion, mainly because he admitted chasing the amorous couple through the forest with a shotgun, but then he commits suicide leaving more questions than answers. Game warden Steve Benton (Clark) takes it upon himself to investigate, aided by his girlfriend, Nan Grayson (Sheppard), and her father, Doc Grayson (McVey). The intrepid bunch soon discover the giant leech’s underwater lair and blow it up. The end.

Or is it?

The film is notable for featuring Cary Grant’s long-time squeeze Yvette Vickers soon after her appearance in the Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman (1958), who promoted it by appearing as a centrefold in the June 1959 issue of Playboy. After that, her movie roles began to decline and she was last seen alive in 2010 having withdrawn from her family and friends. Tragically, her mummified body was discovered around a year later at her home on Westwanda Drive, Beverly Hills, by actress and neighbour Susan Savage. There were no signs of foul play, the cause of death deemed to be heart failure resulting from coronary artery disease. After her demise, Hugh Hefner issued statements expressing his sorrow.

Attack of the Giant Leeches, while corny and somewhat predictable, doesn’t get nearly enough love. It barely even comes into the conversation. Any conversation. This is despite a remake directed by Brett Kelly and written by Jeff O’Brien being released in 2008 and a stage adaptation performed at The Village Theatre in Atlanta, Georgia, in February 2020. The original has proved somewhat divisive on Rotten Tomatoes, where it measures 70% on the Tomatometer but has an audience score of just 18% based on 1000+ ratings. In his book Classic Movie Guide: From the Silent Era Through 1965 (2010) film critic Leonard Maltin awarded the film 1.5 out of 4 stars, calling it a “ludicrous hybrid of white trash and monster genres.” There’s just no pleasing some people.

The original movie is now in the public domain as its copyright was never renewed, and you can watch it in full HERE.

Trivia Corner

The monster costumes were designed by actor Ed Nelson and Gene Corman’s wife, with some claiming they were constructed from stitched-together black raincoats. Other insiders were less gracious and insisted black refuse sacks were used. Honestly, I kinda hope that was the case.

X6 ToC

The latest in my ongoing series of compilations comprising short stories previously published in various magazines and anthologies, X6, is coming out soon! As promised, here’s the full table of contents, and where each story appeared in its original form.

Loose Ends (first published in 34 Orchard, 2020)

Alone, Or (first published in Frost Zone Zine, 2021)

The Wailing (first published in TwentyTwoTwentyEight, 2021)

Hell-bent (first published in Unleashed, 2021)

That Time of Year Again (first published in Every Day Fiction, 2021)

Misshapes & Rejects (first published in Handmade Horror, 2021)

The Others (first published in Burnt Fur, 2020)

Grower (first published in Brewtality, 2020)

Scary Mary (first published in Jester of Hearts, 2021)

Holiday of a Lifetime (first published in Welcome to the Splatterclub, 2020)

X6 is released on 27 March exclusively on ebook, and is available for pre-order now:

US LINK

UK LINK

The Cunning Linguist at the Splatterclub

I’m excited to announce that my 92^nd published short story The Cunning Linguist (once called The Cunnilinguist) is included in the new anthology Welcome to the Splatterclub, Vol III edited by Nikki Noir for Blood Bound Books. I have a long, blood-spattered history with BBB and the great people who run the joint. In the past, The Devil & Jim Rosenthal, Subject #270374, Siki’s Story, and Holiday of a Lifetime have all been part of projects they’ve put together. They are one of the few established publishers brave enough to operate at the more extreme end of the spectrum and I send them all the stories I write that involve genital mutilation.

As for the story itself, well, it’s about what you probably think its about. The protagonist is a player who thinks he is very, very good at oral sex. The Cunning Linguist is the handle he uses on dating apps. One night he meets his match, so to speak, and let’s just say he comes to a sticky end. Wink, wink.

I have a love-hate relationship with oral sex. And no, I don’t mean I love receiving but hate giving. When you think about it, it’s pretty gross. Our mouths aren’t supposed to go down there. Personal hygiene is incredibly important. You let that slip, even just a little, and it can ruin the other person’s whole experience. Trust me. On the other hand, you don’t want to be tasting of soap, either, because nobody likes eating soap. It’s a fine line. The whole topic is an absolute minefield, and definitely uncomfortable enough to write horror stories about.

Welcome to the Splatterclub Vol III is out now on ebook and paperback.

X6 – Cover Reveal

The latest instalment in my on-going X series of ebook-exclusive short fiction collections is coming soon! And to whet your appetite, here’s a sneak preview at the cover art produced once again by Bram Stoker award-nominee Greg Chapman.

Released on 27 March, X6 is available to pre-order now.

US LINK

UK LINK

The Bookshelf 2023

I usually start this now annual tradition with a disclaimer that goes something like: “I only managed to read seven books this year, but THIS ONE was really, like, sooooo long!”

It’s taken me aeons to own up to the fact that I’m just a slow reader, but there it is. Shoot me. I read for 30-60 minutes every night, and sometimes that just isn’t reflected in the numbers I put up. Anyway, I made a conscious effort in 2023 to move away from horror fiction and read a more varied selection of books, something I’ve managed largely thanks to the book club at work.

It was a drag at times, but Joseph Heller’s Catch 22 is something I will probably never forget reading. Some of the wordplay, and the conversations that go around in circles, were genius. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera is also worth a mention, even though the plot itself seemed almost secondary to the philosophical ideals the writer was determined to convey. Seeing the stage version of Noviolet Bulawayo’s We Need New Names after reading the book was an unforgettable experience, and reading Animal House by James Brown was surreal because I know some of the people he talks about. I owe a lot to Loaded magazine. Without it, I probably wouldn’t even be here writing this.

Stephen King’s Billy Summers was ace. Probably his best in years. I was also pleasantly surprised by Christopher Fowler’s Full Dark House. It’s very English. Very London, to be exact. Only another twenty-odd books in the series to go!

Here are all the books I read cover-to-cover in 2023 (DNFs don’t count)

Final Winter by Iain Rob Wright (2011)

Extreme Survivors: 60 Epic Stories of Human Endurance (2019)

South by Southwest Wales by David Owain Hughes (2018)

The Man Who Died Twice by Richard Osman (2021)

Tougher then the Rest: The 100 Best Bruce Springsteen Songs by June Skinner Sawyers (2006)

Billy Summers by Stephen King (2021)

We Need New Names by Noviolet Bulawayo (2014)

Burial Rites by Hannah Kent (2013)

Animal House by James Brown (2022)

The Wild West by Robin May (1975)

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller (1962)

The Horror Library, Vol 8 by Various Authors (2023)

Full Dark House (Bryant & May Mysteries, book one) by Christopher Fowler (2003)

Quitters Never Win: My Life in UFC by Michael Bisping (2019)

The Return by Rachel Harrison (2020)

That Old House: The Bathroom by Various Authors (2023)

Pet Sematary by Stephen King (1988)

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (1984)

Themes for Great Cities: A New History of Simple Minds by Graeme Thomson (2022)

You can see last year’s list HERE.

Recapping the Wretched Bones Blog Tour

As any writer out there knows, writing a book is the easy part. Getting people to give a sh!t is much more difficult. That’s why in October 2023 I embarked on a blog tour in support of my latest release, The Wretched Bones: A Ben Shivers Mystery. It gave me a chance to reach potential new readers, reconnect with some old ones, and make some new friends. You can check out all the stops below where, alongside several interviews, you will find evidence of the symbiotic relationship between humour and horror, the unique connection between cats and writers, and a historical piece on that weirdest of historical entities, the sin eaters.

Thanks to everyone who hosted me, and/or took the time to engage. I really appreciate it.

Midnight Machinations/Grinning Skull Press: Cover reveal

Uncomfortably Dark Interview

Happy Goat Horror: Guest Post (The Top 10 Horror Comedy Movies EVER!)

Willow Croft: Guest Post (Ben Shivers and Mr Trimble)

That Spooky Beach Interview

That Spooky Beach: Guest Post (The Plight of the Sin Eaters)

Robin’s Review Interview

The Horror Tree: Spooky Six

Writer v Writer with Neda Aria

Introducing the Wretched Bones

The Wretched Bones: A Ben Shivers Mystery is OUT NOW on paperback and ebook via Midnight Machinations, an imprint of Grinning Skull Press.

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2023 in Review

2023 was another decent year for me on the writing front. I think I largely maintained the momentum I generated last year. One of my more ‘out there’ stories MyDarkside(dot)com was included in issue 22 (Spring 2023) of Phantasmagoria magazine and Finders Keepers, my collab with Michael McCarty, reprinted in his collection Biters: Tales of Zombies & Vampires. Concidentally, shortly afterwards my own biting story appeared in The Book of Drabbles on Shacklebound Books and later that summer my story The Old Tip Road was included in the Horror Library 8 where it sat uneasily alongside contributions by Bentley Little, Steve Rasnic Tem, and Ai Jiang, who is quickly becoming one of my favourite writers.

Of all the fiction I have ever written, String probably got the biggest reaction. Several readers actually contacted me to tell me how grossed out they were, which was very satisfying. If you want to see what all the fuss is about you can find it in the anthology That Old House: The Bathroom, compiled and edited by Angel Herrin for Voices from the Mausoleum. Towards the end of the year I also had short pieces published in Tiny Frights magazine and the Christmas anthology Macabre Minima Ho Ho Ho. Incidentally, that was my 91st published short story. When I first started writing back in the last century, I never thought for one minute I would get this far. I am living proof of how far being a stubbourn bastard can take you in life.

My big news in 2023 was the publication of my latest novel, The Wretched Bones, the first book in the Ben Shivers series of mysteries on Midnight Machinations, an imprint of Grinning Skull Press. Look at the awesome cover:

If you didn’t already know, the book is about paranormal investigator (PI) Ben Shivers who lives in a camper van with his rescue cat, Mr Trimble. When he is called in to probe a series of tragedies at an exclusive resort in the English countryside, he isn’t prepared for what he is about to uncover and soon realizes it isn’t always a good thing when dreams come true. As anyone who has written a book will tell you, that’s the easy part. Getting people to give a shit is far more difficult. Therefore, I spent most of the winter doing interviews and guest posts for various outlets as part of the Wretched Bones Blog Tour. At the same time I worked on a revised draft of the second book in the series, which is now called The Butcher and will be released by the same publisher later in the year. I call it a series, but each book is a standalone featuring the same main character(s).

Elsewhere, I somehow managed to write a new novella, mainly in my lunch hours at work (don’t tell the boss), untitled as yet, which serves as a loose sequel to my No Man’s Land: Horror in the Trenches. Of all the things I have written, that universe is the one most people encourage me to explore further. This one isn’t set in the Great War, though, I have moved the action on a couple of decades to World War II. Same problem, different war.

Here on da blawg, 2023 also saw us go through numbers 66 to 76 of the #RetView series of contemporary reviews of classic horror films, featuring such forgotten gems as From Dusk till Dawn, Cat People, Hellraiser and The Birds. My most popular blog post of the year overall with a whopping 703 views was my review of the Bruce Springsteen gig at Villa Park, Birmingham, though my review of Ryan (not Bryan) Adams’ take on Nebraska wasn’t far behind which I found surprising. I still find it strange how some posts just take off, while others that you have high hopes for sink withouta trace.

I hope you achieved your personal goals in 2023. If you didn’t, make sure you hit those targets in 2024 because if you die a hopeless failure you’ll only have yourself to blame. You’re steering your ship, nobody else, and it goes where you tell it to go.

Intruder by C.M. Saunders

Season’s Greetings and all that hippy shit. As my gift to you, please enjoy this tiny ‘lil shocker taken from my collection X: Omnibus.

You’re welcome. And it’s okay that you didn’t get me anything. Your love is more than I need. 🙂

Rosie turned on the lamp and slid into bed, glancing at the clock on the bedside table as she did so. 23:57. Mark would be home soon. He was such a good, reliable son, and was never late. It really was a wonder that no woman had snapped him up yet.

            But he drinks too much!

            Chimed her resentful side.

Or was it the voice of reason?

Things had been hard on him since his father died six years ago, and he’d taken to spending virtually every spare moment down the pub.

Rosie understood.

When tragedy strikes, after recovering from the initial flurry of shock and crawling on your belly through that grey wasteland of grief, you learn to cope the best way you can. It’s a transition of sorts. You just have to get on with it. Her way of coping was Xanex and early nights, Mark’s way of coping was drinking beer and staying out until midnight.

            Each to their own.

            Slowly, the two of them had fallen into a routine. Rosie kept the front door firmly locked, only unlocking it just before she went to bed. Mark had a spare key once, but lost it when in one of his drunken stupors. Since then, Rosie decided he just couldn’t be trusted. Not mature enough, not by a long chalk.

            The front door opened and closed softly and a key turned, returning the door to its locked state. The ghost of a smile played on Rosie’s lips.

There he was. Right on time.

Now she could drift off to sleep.

The downstairs toilet flushed.

            Oh dear.

            Rosie hoped he hadn’t drank too much and made himself sick. She tried not to smother him with a mother’s love, but it was hard. Mark was all she had left now. Luckily for him, she’d left the porch and living room lights on. That should at least stop him bumping into things.

She listened intently, body rigid, wrinkled mouth pulled taught. If she listened carefully, she could hear him move through the house. She cringed as heavy footsteps trumped across the hard wood floor of the kitchen.

Rosie sighed.

            Damn you Neil! How many times do I have to remind you to take your shoes off when you come in the house?

            The refrigerator door opened and something rustled faintly. That would be tin foil.

            Found the left-over turkey, then?

            There was the soft clink of a glass, the cutlery drawer opening, a cupboard, and finally the sound of a kitchen knife being pulled from a scabbard. Then, the sound the footsteps retreating from the kitchen and making their way across the living room.

She lost track of them for a split second, that damn shag pile carpet, then there was a soft rustle as a coat sleeve brushed against the door frame.

            He must be deciding what to do.

            Watch TV or go straight to bed.

            Rosie pictured her son standing at the foot of the stairs, swaying on his feet and a bemused expression contorting his face. It was a look she had come to know so well. She smiled when the landing light finally snapped on and the footsteps began making their way slowly but purposefully up the stairs.

            One, two, three, four…

            Wouldn’t be long now and he’ll be in bed. Only thirteen steps in these old houses. Then she could stop her worrying for another night.

Suddenly, there was a new noise. A metallic clunk coming from outside.

            What was that?

            It sounded like the garden gate opening.

But who could be paying a visit at this time of night? Mark was already home.

She wondered if he had heard the gate opening. It didn’t sound like. There was no urgency in its steps.

Probably too drunk.

            Five, six, seven…

            Her bedroom window overlooked the garden. Rosie scooted over to the edge of the bed as quickly as her tired old legs would allow and opened the curtain a crack. She peered through, into the darkness beyond.

Somebody was coming down the path.

A man.

Oh my, who’s that?

She was dimly aware of the footsteps still climbing the stairs.

            Eight, nine…

            She wanted to call out, warn Mark that an intruder was, at this very minute, making his way down the garden path!

            Ten, eleven…

            But she found that she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the sight below.

A little voice inside was telling her that she couldn’t turn away. Not now.

            Twelve, thirteen…

            In a way, she was glad she listened to that little voice. It softened the blow somewhat. She was also glad that she was already sitting down, too, albeit on the edge of her bed. Because as she watched through the bedroom window, the intruder in the garden looked up and for the briefest moment their eyes met.

It was Mark’s face gazing up at her.

She saw him reach for the front door handle and try to turn it, unaware that it was locked from the inside already.

At that same moment, her bedroom door opened.

NB:

Intruder previously appeared in X2 and Shadows in Ink back in 2012.